At first glance, complimenting a woman to make her feel good seems simple: every woman likes compliments and a lot of men use them instinctively as opening lines. Where they tend to slip up is in complimenting the wrong thing or over-complimenting.
It’s not always wise to compliment a woman on something that’s outside her control – particularly her looks. Firstly, she’s almost certainly had lots of other men compliment her on the same feature and your comment will see you immediately labelled as predictable and unimaginative – which doesn’t raise the chances you’ll get a date. Secondly, you’re ignoring all the effort she’s no doubt made that evening. So compliment her on things she can control – her hair style, her dress, her jewellery or something she’s doing.
Do compliments of the right kind always work? Not according to everyone. Some of the self-styled ‘pick-up artists’ who specialize in seduction believe that beautiful women are complimented so often that they get used to it – they expect it, and even look down on those who do it. Their view is that these women need to have their perspectives reset for the approach to work – essentially ‘taking them down a peg’ by paying them a ‘negative compliment’ or mild insult. They even have a term for this: ‘negging’ – and it forms a key part of the technique known as the Mystery Method, developed by pick-up artist legend ‘Mystery’.
Whether you subscribe to this view or not, it’s certainly true that it’s possible to spoil your chances by so over-complimenting a woman that she views you as either a creep or someone with low self-esteem. Compliments need to be flattering but honest and delivered casually – remember, you’re just stating a fact. How you compliment a woman determines to some extent how she sees you. The compliment will make her feel good, but it’ll also tell her what sort of things you notice, the fact you’re confident enough to speak to her and that you consider yourself worthy of having an opinion. In many ways how you deliver the compliment and the fact that you’re doing it is more important than what you actually say. Practice with a friend or through one of adult phone chat lines when you could chat with someone in real time.
What should you pick to compliment her on? Ideally, you need to pick out the thing she’s spent time on, the thing that other men probably won’t notice (they’ll be too busy commenting on her breasts, her legs, her eyes). Ask yourself what makes her different – remember, it doesn’t have to be something physical. The way she dances, even the way she laughs can make her unique. The reaction you’re trying to elicit is pleasant surprise – she wasn’t expecting anyone to notice, but she’s glad someone did.
As with any dating technique, practice will help. Get into the habit of noticing things – ask yourself: what would you compliment that woman on, if you wanted to make her feel good? Then start actually doing it – even if it’s just in passing. Even if you don’t get a date, you’ll brighten up a few women’s days!